I took a look at my journal and revised an old entry for public consumption. As background, I tend to disregard kind words and compliments, telling myself that the person felt obligated to say them.
It’s a beautiful day here, and I spent all morning outside, first walking and admiring nature, and then jogging and talking with a friend.
For my walk, I went to a new location, a park where I could stroll for miles. I had a walk that I’ll describe as spiritual. God did not speak to me or anything like that, but something sparked me to understand some things about love, spirit, and useless insecurity.
From that understanding, I have made a challenge for the day. I am going to try to take every kind thing that someone says directly to me as true. For example, I asked my friend to take two walking breaks during our jog. I apologized and she said, “It doesn’t matter! We’ve had a great conversation and that’s more important.” However, I still felt bad about it and a little inferior to her. I thought, “I’ve disappointed my friend and she’ll think I’m a slow runner.”
When I got in the car, I thought, “What if God (or Spirit or Love) said, ‘Every single day, I will give you the opportunity to connect with someone, so that you will never have to feel lonely. It’s your task to stay open to that kindness.'” I was dwelling on my letting down my friend with a poor run. And then Spirit said, “What do you mean? I had her tell you directly that it was OK. What more do you want?” I thought, “But I want to be a strong runner; I want to be good at everything I do.” And Love said, “Don’t you see? That doesn’t matter. It’s not the point. Connecting with people’s spirits is the goal, not proving yourself to them.” And I smiled. That is why I am going to try to accept people’s kindness, instead of disregarding it in some odd self-defense. I think that Spirit is making me an offer of comfort and connection, but I usually turn away from it. It’s not the right thing to do.
Would you like to take the challenge too? When someone tells you are beautiful and smart, will you accept her gift of kindness? If not, what else do you want Spirit to put in your path so that you will know that you are beautiful, smart, and wonderful to be with? Why turn away from someone reaching out to you?
Well, we’ll see how long my good intentions last. I’ll probably forget the whole thing as soon as I finish writing! Still, I’ll try to keep open in my heart.